Messy Divorce? Keep Your Child Out of It!
Let’s face it.. even the most amicable divorce can be messy at one point or another. Unfortunately, the person involved that is the most impacted is the child. Especially if that child is an only child. Without a sibling to share the burden or ease his pangs, an only child’s experience of divorce is significantly more painful than other children. Being the pivotal point of both parents, the only child often gets thrown into custodial issues and may begin to feel the cause of most of the problems that arise due to the fact that the child has become the sole cause for the continued interaction between the estranged spouses.
Fortunately, there are two main strategies that can be used in keeping your child out of messy divorce and all of the unpleasantness that can accompany it. The two main strategies are sticking to a routine and staying in control.
Stick to Routines
A new environment and a new household need not necessarily mean a new set of routines. It is imperative to stick to your old way of life and routines during this time. By sticking to a routine, it will give your child a much needed sense of stability during an unstable time. It is also important not to let your feelings for your spouse to get in the way of the normal everyday routine. For example, if your spouse was normally a stickler about brushing teeth before bed and your child asks if it’s ok to go to bed without doing so; it may be tempting to say let him or her skip it for the sake of appearing like the good guy. In this example, absolutely insist that your child does in fact brush his teeth before bed. After all, that is the normal routine.
Stay in Control
Children usually become silent, withdrawn and “good” in order to stay out of trouble or they become difficult, loud and rambunctious in order to seek attention. While you are coming to grips with the reality of divorce, of two households and the pressure of being a single parent, you may feel too stretched to monitor your child’s behaviour or maintain rules and regulations.
But more than ever, it is in this transition period that you have to show your child that old rules of discipline and good behaviour still holds good.
If he or she has limited TV watching hours, strict no-junk-food rules, and regular chores to attend to at home like folding the laundry or putting out the garbage - make sure you stick to those rules. It is important to retain an old sense of familiarity even in the new order of things.
