Explaining The Loss of a Pet
The loss of a pet is a highly emotional experience for children and adults alike.
The task of talking to a very young child about the death of a beloved pet is not very different from talking to him about the death of a family member or friend. And neither type of explanation is easy. The first thing that is recommended is that you not say too much at any given time. And don’t offer a philosophical treatise about life and death; he or she will not be able to understand any explanation that goes beyond concepts he can grasp.
Stress the here and now by saying things like : “_____’s gone and won’t be coming back. But we will always remember him, and he’ll be with us in our thoughts.”
Depending on your child’s age, however, you can deal with explaining the death in different ways by better understanding how it is they perceive the passing.
Under 2: A child can feel and respond to a pet’s death, based on the reaction of those around him or her. A child picks up the stress felt by family members, no matter what the cause.
2 to 5: The child will miss the animal as a playmate, but not necessarily as a love object. They will see death as a temporary state – something like the way leaves fall off a tree in fall but grow back in the spring. As they perceive the trauma around them, however, they may regress in their behavior (e.g., thumb sucking).
5 to 9: Children begin to perceive death as permanent, but they may indulge in “magical thinking,” believing that death can be defied or bargained with. This is also the period when children recognize a correlation between what they think and what happens. For instance, a child may resent taking care of the pet and wish – however briefly – that the pet would die. If the pet then dies, the child is often consumed with guilt. Parents need to reassure children that they did not cause the pet’s death.
